My Journey As A (Liberated) Woman In India – Nimrit Nain (Founder – Icawnic)

Women’s day and what we do during this time of the year might seem futile, with our over-critical mind pointing out what we are trying to celebrate. However, the more I think of it, the more I feel we need to put our stories out there where we see the differences, the prejudices, and biases and, work towards making a more equal world.

This is my first-hand account reflecting on some of my actions and some experiences that came with the country, society, and tradition, that might throw a perspective.

I was born to very open-thinking landowning parents in Haryana bordering Punjab, in a Sikh family. Younger to my brother, growing up was a safe, carefree time where I felt extremely supported for what I wanted to be and do, from education to career choices. But the silent reality that girls are different, maybe somewhere undervalued than boys, was an accepted truth. Being told as far as I can remember that I will not be part of the land which my brother would inherit was the done deal in all patriarchal setups. I didn’t even consider it odd. But the seed of not being good enough, as the lesser gender, had been planted.

What also shaped my view of men was when I was graduating from Delhi. The city was aggressive, especially for women; you couldn’t walk on the road, board a local without being constantly eve-teased, or subjected to leering and cheap calls. It was more than hard. We were to protect ourselves constantly. The underlined reality was even worse, that we allowed such behavior as a collective society to continue because women just had to keep quiet.

I started my career as a journalist first in Delhi and then moved to Chandigarh, in a more or less all-women team, where we drove ourselves to perform well. Is that a man-woman thing, I can’t say. But in hindsight, I think we needed to prove ourselves subconsciously. And we, at least I, never felt we were good enough. The bar was always somewhere higher. We only had male CEOs and editors, whom we idolized and later realized we could have been far superior. Women editors were few and far between, back in the day.

I had an arranged marriage in Punjab. Lots of things were expected of me, some I complied with, like ensuring all household tasks — I did have some help to handle a lot of chores, but there was still enough for me to do. I emulated my mother. Invariably, I mostly worked myself up at home and work. Raising my two children where I had to be a super worker as a mom and at work was not that simple a task. But I always felt like I had things going both ways and it surprisingly was accepted by me. If I went out with my friends, I found it far more convenient to lie about it and say I was working. I dealt with a lot of guilt all through my career. I remember in one of my jobs I had to travel nearly once a month. Leaving my eight-year-old with my parents (which was the best thing) and getting on a flight made me feel bad about my life. The drive to the airport, with a heavy heart, engulfed me. Missing my children’s school events haunted me. A lot of time, I questioned my work: was it worth it?

It was not till the pandemic when I was locked up with my kids (who now are pretty much grown-up) that I finally could let that guilt go. I did every little thing I felt I needed to do as a mother. And my insides felt relieved that I’m finally all there for them at every moment. This isn’t for sure necessary but as a woman – guilt came with motherhood as a package deal.

These experiences are not mine alone, many would consider this a charmed life as there are far worse stories women have narrated. But the point is we are all subjected to it. The awareness that women will create their world and are celebrated for it is what we as a collective have to accept and allow.

Working, for our society, is the ticket to liberation. Money is power, people understand that power. Looking after your home, raising children, for some reason is undervalued and a thankless, pitiless state.

I knew I had to work to be valued. It did give me freedom. But maybe we could be kinder to ourselves at work and home.

Today, after working for a few narcissistic and manipulative CEOs – who were again allowed to keep that behavior as that is how companies worked and profits soared – I have recently created my brand called Icawnic. It curates the best-in-class clean beauty products. It gives me immense joy to put that out in the world. And our small team is being guided to do things that have care and joy, that aim to make a positive impact.